Welcome to H - The Daily Worldwide Enquiring Times-Journal Examiner.
H was created in order to improve upon the news. So often in today's society the news is boring, uninteresting, drab, humdrum, stodgy, uninteresting and many other adjectives, so a bunch of us got together to shake things up.
It is H's promise to you that if the news is not very interesting, we will change it to make it interesting. It is H's promise to you that if the news is not interesting at all, we will completely make something interesting up. It is H's promise to you that if you don't pay us lots of money to do this, we will kneecap you.
H does this all for you.
Aren't you lucky.