WASHINGTON D.C. - At a press conference held earlier today, FBI spokesperson Elizabeth Gables stated, "The FBI, working in conjunction with the DEA and acting on a tip from a NASA informant, recovered over $104 Billion of American taxpayer money. The money, originally earmarked for various projects to help the United States get to the Moon and Mars, was being diverted by NASA Administrator Michael Griffin to purchase steroids to help himself and other NASA nerds get buff so they could pick up chicks in bars."
Griffin, who allegedly used terms like "Apollo on steroids" and "moon shot" during a recent NASA press conference, was picked up by FBI and DEA agents for questioning.
"They were really rather bold about the whole thing," said FBI Special Agent Sykes. "We received a tip from a disgruntled NASA employee about an upcoming press conference that was to be held by Mr. Griffin so we sent a few guys down there to check things out. When we heard some commonly used drug buzzwords we picked him up and took him downtown. He broke after 4 hours of routine questioning and signed an affidavit admitting everything."
While being transported to a special federal penal facility, Mr. Griffin was overheard saying, "I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids."
The $104 Billion is currently being held by vice-president Dick Cheney at an undisclosed Haliburton location.