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Microsoft, Google Settle Over Employee

by William Two Bears Haroldson

SEATTLE, WA - Microsoft Corp. said late Thursday it had reached a settlement with rival Google Inc. and former employee Kai-Fu Lee, ending a legal battle that had exposed behind-the-scenes rancor between the companies.

In a statement, Redmond-based Microsoft said the three parties had entered into a "private agreement that resolves all issues to their mutual satisfaction."

"Yes, the agreement is private," stated a Google spokeperson, "but since Google is committed to making all data avilable to the world, here are the details."

"Microsoft will get Lee every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, and we will get Lee Thursday through Saturday. His family will get fifteen minutes of quality time with him on Sunday, and then Mr. Lee will alternate between the Microsoft and Google campuses every other week."

"Holidays were a contentious issue, but both parties are happy that Lee will be working at Microsoft every Christian holiday and at Google every Muslim and Jewish holiday."

"For a while, we didn't think we would be able to work through this with Microsoft - they're such evil bastards, but after they found out we bought our own 747 they started to respect us a little more and we were able to work out the deal outlined above."