WASHINGTON D.C. - John G. Roberts Jr., a protégé of the late William H. Rehnquist, became the nation’s youngest chief justice in two centuries, winning support from more than three-fourths of the Senate. Roberts, at 50, becomes the 17th chief justice, presiding over a Supreme Court that opens a new term on Monday.
"He is one bright and classy motherfucker," stated president Bush at a dinner in Robert's honor.
"Fucking A!" yelled Robert's wife as she jumped out of her chair, pumping her fist while making early-90s Arsenio Hall "woof" noises.
Not everybody on the Hill was happy, however. Senator Edward Kennedy (D. Mass.), who voted against the nomination, said, "That fucking asshole! He didn't answer even one of my goddamned questions during the hearings! Shit."
Senator Mark Dayton (D. Minn.), who also voted against Robert's nomination, wrapped things up by saying, "Fuck."