In a trend that has been steadily gaining momentum over the last decade, many U.S. companies have been transferring blue and white collar jobs overseas – saving hundreds of millions of dollars in payroll expenses and driving the profit margins of U.S. companies through the roof. Now, industry analysts say, companies have hit the nail on the head with their proposal to move the country of the United States of America overseas.
"It's the next logical step," said IBM CEO Keith Richardson. "Everything is cheaper overseas. Imagine what my money could buy if America were in Taiwan, or one of those Koreas – I forget, which one is communist again?"
In what has been called, by this newspaper, one of the largest lobbying efforts by big business in recent decades – lobbyists have been taking senators and congressmen on "fact finding" missions to every exotic port in the world, flying them first-class in private jets and putting them up in five-star hotels, increasing campaign contributions to Democrat and Republican parties ten-fold, and, according to one watchdog group, actually kissing the buttocks of at least three senators – all in an attempt to garner favor for this new proposal.
Details of the proposal have not been released yet, but sources close to wherever they are close to have said that moving America overseas may actually involve physically picking up parts of America and moving them somewhere else.
"Well of course," said Ronnie Woodman, Microsoft CFO. "We still want some parts of America - like our purple mountain majesties, amber waves of grain, and fruited plains. Purple mountain majesties allow for wonderfully lucrative ski resorts, and grain and fruits can be exported all over the world."
"And the best part is, labor in the new America will be so cheap, we won't have to rely on heavy machinery to make the move. All we'll have to do is hire a couple million new Americans, pay them a couple of pennies a week salary, making sure they are classified as ‘exempt' employees so we don't have to pay overtime, and then load it onto their backs!" continued Woodman, drooling slightly.
Calls to government officials for their response to this new proposal went unanswered as all of them were out being wined and dined.
"I see this as a wonderful opportunity," said Coke President Mick Jaggerfield. "It's the American pioneering spirit that is behind all this. Good Americans have always looked to new horizons, set their sights on new challenges, explored new frontiers. It's what has made America great! God bless America! Don't tread on me! Life liberty and the pursuit of happiness! America rules! Money! Money! Money!"