Back in high school, I owned a pair of Converse Chuck Taylor All-Stars. They were yellow. I would wear them and then roll up my pants a little at the end. I thought I was soooooooooooooooo cool. Please try and control your laughter.

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Herbie Learns Karate.

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"We interrupt this regularly scheduled program. You know, the one you really like. The one you actually try to make the time to watch, and if you can't, you tape it and then actually watch it? Yeah, that one. We interrupt that program for this StormWatch-SuperDoppler-WeatherSystem Alert. It is raining, and kind of hard at that. Water is falling out of the sky and there is some thunder and lightning. In fact it is a pretty neat-o show out there. We could now return you to your regularly scheduled program, after all, that is all we have to report, but we won't. We want to show off our new SuperWeather5000PredictoMatic System, the one that has over 16 different colors for various intensities of rain. Ah, look at it, aren't the colors pretty? Now we have to recap and talk a bit more about how it is actually raining....outside with some actual thunder and lightning. Isn't lightning nifty? It is so pretty. Hey, did you know that thunder is actually angels bowling? Yeah, it's true. Alright, we have kept you from your regularly scheduled show just long enough for you to have to watch the commercials now. Yup, that's right, we can't take our sponsor time away. No siree Bob. Commercials are gooooooood. So we now return you to your regularly scheduled programming."

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Herbie Goes Fishing.

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Dragging your feet on a new carpet for 90 seconds at 5:30 on a beautiful Fall morning and then touching your girlfriend on the arm to wake her up is not a recommended way to maintain a healthy relationship.

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Herbie Uses the Restrooms.

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"You know, life is much better now that I'm born" - Alex Taylor, 5-year-old future ruler of the universe.

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Herbie Goes to the Olympics.

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Herbie Graduates College.

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Herbie Gets His Groove On.

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This is in honor of the Twin Cities ramp meter experiment.

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Herbie Meets Star Trek.

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My girlfriend is the most wonderful, kind, intelligent person I know. But when she holds my hand, she always presses down on that nerve between the thumb and the index finger, she says that she doesn't know she is doing it. Riiiiiiigggght.

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Note to self: Butter bread after taking it out of the toaster, not before putting it in the toaster.

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I was walking to class yesterday evening and I noticed two men sitting on a park bench looking very comfortable and chatting to one another. When I walked home from class 4 hours later I noticed the same two men, sitting on the same park bench, looking even more comfortable, and still chatting about whatever. They looked very happy.

Note to self: Take off work early, grab nearest friend, sit on park bench and chat about nothing important.

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There are wild fires burning in some counties to the north of Minneapolis. As I was watching coverage of this on the news, the camera panned to the left to show a bunch of people who were setting up tents at a gas station. The newscaster stated, "The people behind me have been evacuated to this gas station near where the wild fires are burning. The flames have claimed their houses and are heading this way." How good of an idea is it to set up people at a gas station when wild fires are heading in that direction?

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I was brushing my teeth really good. I mean really good - just like the dentist teaches you. I was reaching way in back, I mean way in back and all of the sudden I started choking. Have you ever brushed in back and started choking? I hate when that happens.

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I woke up at 4 this morning and went to go turn on the news. I hit the button on the remote and nothing happened. Understand that the television is 9 years old, which makes the remote 9 years old as well; when you hit the button it doesn't always work unless you hit it just right. For about 5 minutes I stood there in front of the television, trying to hit the button just right while trying to keep my eyes open to see if the television had come on - I wasn't very successful with either attempt. I looked down at the remote and shook it a little bit, as if to say, "Come on little guy, I know it's 4 in the morning, but I want to see what the weather is going to be like today." And as I stood there at 4 in the morning talking to my little remote I realized that I was punching the number 1 button, not the power button. Man, sometimes I hate 4 in the morning.

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Note to self: Make love, not war.

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Note to self: Drop acid, not bombs baby!

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I hate car washes. When I was a little kid and I would be in the car when my parents got the car washed I was scared. There was all this noise and all these flashing lights and all these big brushes and all these big squeegees and you couldn't see outside of the windows because of all the water and brushes and squeegees so you just knew there were monsters out there making all those noises and flashes of light and they were trying to get in and eat you because they were the types of monsters that ate little children and why aren't my mom and dad worried don't they love me?

Excuse me, I need to find a Valium.

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When my mother was making homemade chocolate chip cookies, she used to get me to stop eating the chocolate chip cookie dough by telling me that I would get worms if I ate raw chocolate chip cookie dough.

I now know that isn't true...right?

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My Halloween experience: I was walking to work this morning and on the streets of downtown Minneapolis, eight people smiled at me and said "Hi". Then, as I was walking into the building where I work, two more people smiled at me and said "Hello" (I distinctly remember it as being Hello, not Hi). Finally, when I got on the elevator there were three people inside, and they all smiled at me and said "Hello" (except for an elderly gentleman in the back of the elevator wearing a suit, he said "What's up").

It doesn't get any scarier than that.

caveat lector