04 August 2004 :: Wednesday
Nader loses Peace and Freedom nomination
In other news: Bush wins War and Tyranny vote, bakiwop wins Make Love not War/Ganja vote, Kerry wins Liberal Rich White-Guy/Ketchup vote.
02 August 2004 :: Monday
Candidates for the presidency are always throwing fundraising dinners, charging $1000, $1500, and even $2500 and up per plate. It reminds me of my college days (at least I think I went to college as I'm paying back some student loans, I can't really remember too much about those days, and if Ididn't go to college then the student loan folks have some 'splaining to do) when people throwing parties didn't do the illegal thing and charge for beer, but rather had the beer and charged $5 at the door for the little plastic glass instead.
Given that it is the presidential candidate type thing to do, I will be throwing my own party...errr...fundraiser at my place, it is not BYOB, but rather people entering will be charged $1200 for a little plastic cup upon entering and are then free to tap as much beer as they can.
Remember: vote often, vote bakiwop.
14 June 2004 :: Monday
Social Security forecast due Monday - bakiwop predicts a 95% chance of thunderstorms, damaging winds and hail and 100% chance of social security not being there when you retire unless you elect me and follow my social security plan:
I strongly support the privatization of Social Security. That way, when the private company screws up Enron-style, the Federal government can swoop in on them, acquire all of their assets, and actually afford Social Security again.
06 June 2004 :: Sunday
Healthcare is a prime issue this election year. Kerry says he will reduce insurance premiums which leaves those without insurance SOL. Bush says he will increase healthcare coverage which leaves those who have to pay rising insurance premiums SOL.
You see, the problem with health insurance is that people actually use it. When people use the health insurance they are paying for, insurance companies increase their premium. I propose to provide insurance for everybody but make it illegal to use it; thus, insurance premiums will stay very low and insurance companies will not have to increase premiums.
Remember: vote often, vote bakiwop.
04 June 2004 :: Friday
Damnit, ran out of campaign funds while in Fiji way sooner than I had anticipated. With the US dollar fairing so poorly overseas, I ended up paying 3x's as much as I should have for booze and ganja. That pisses me off. So, in order to get more people to give me more money so I can get more island sun and rum get elected and lead this country to a new financial Golden Age I have to start a controversy. I would like to introduce, to this 2004 presidential race, the SEX SCANDAL.
Frankly my fellow Americans, I am saddened by the lack of sexual scandals in this election year. What is it, Bush/Cheney - that wonderful headliner name for an S&M show - don't have the cajones? The big brass pair? The Coo-Coo-jamungas to abuse their power in the manner and example set forth by our forefathers? And what about Kerry? Is he too busy kissing up to the Heinz money to try anything? Are these the kind of P-whipped panty-wastes you want running your country? Between them they hold vasts amount of power, money, and influence and yet they can't get laid by someone other than their wife (and even the wife thing is just a maybe!).
I pledge to you, my fellow Americans, to get as much booty as I can while running for, and once I am in, Office.
03 May 2004 :: Monday
I have now received enough in campaign donations to go live life on a secluded island with lots of frothy drinks in hand. So, before I go live the life of luxurious laziness, let me leave you with this thought come November:
You can vote for the rich white Yalie who inherited his money, married into more money, was a Skull & Bones member, wants to increase the tax burden for most by decreasing the tax burden for some, wants to promote education for all kids without funding it, wants to increase Medicare/Medicaid benefits to senior citizens without properly funding it, wants to secure social security benefits for future generations without funding it, and wants to stop people marrying each other when they love each other or you can vote for the other rich white Yalie who inherited his money, married into more money, was a Skull & Bones member, wants to increase the tax burden for most by decreasing the tax burden for some, wants to promote education for all kids without funding it, wants to increase Medicare/Medicaid benefits to senior citizens without properly funding it, wants to secure social security benefits for future generations without funding it, and wants to stop people marrying each other when they love each other.
Or you can vote for bakiwop.
27 April 2004 :: Wednesday
New entry for the Tools & Resources page: Joseph Liberman, for this nugget o' wisdom:
Liberman urges end to bickering on Iraq: "He said Republicans and Democrats should continue to disagree and debate many Iraq policy questions, including the cost, international participation and the transfer of authority to a new Iraqi government."
So welcome, Senator Liberman, to the 'tools' page.
18 April 2004 :: Sunday
Cheney Says Kerry a Threat to Gun Owners
Gun owners looked perplexed by Cheney statement stating, "But we're the ones with the loaded guns."
In other news: Gun lobby sets up news operation. I was honored to be one of the first interviewees for the news program:
NRA: So, bakiwop, why should the NRA choose to endorse you for the presidency?
bakiwop: I have long been a supporter of peoples' rights to bear arms in a concealed fashion - I'm also a big fan of vigilante justice. It's all a part of my way to save the American people billions of dollars in law enforcement funds at all government levels. When the people are armed heavily enough, criminals will think twice about committing a crime.
NRA: Excellent, so you'll repeal all the current gun laws restricting the use of assault weapons? You'll drop the waiting period and expensive background checks for handguns?
bakiwop: Indeed. Enforcing all those laws is extremely costly, by getting them off the books the US government will be able to save even more money. Also, those background checks are horribly intrusive - I'm surprised privacy activists haven't been more enthusiastic about trying to get rid of those laws. Not to mention the paper work that the waiting periods cost your local, neighborhood gun shop owner. And how much in sales do you think they lose when someone comes in all pissed off about some perceived slight and wants to buy the biggest, most powerful gun available? And then when they find out about the waiting period and have all that time to cool off and decide not to buy a gun after all? The gun shop owners are the real victims here.
NRA: Thank you for your time, bakiwop.
bakiwop: No no no. Thank you. Would you please put the gun down now? I don't want to turn my back on you until the gun has been put down.
NRA: Oh sure...sure...
15 April 2004 :: Thursday
Two of our nation's biggest issues this election are the war in Iraq and the cost of Medicare/Medicaid. Some people wonder how we can afford hundreds of billions of dollars for the war in Iraq but not afford the proper equipment for our troops over there and not afford healthcare for our elderly over here. Others wonder why we have to foot the health bill for all these old people who won't die already.
To take care of both these major election-year issues simultaneously, I will send all the old people on Medicare/Medicaid over to Iraq without the proper equipment to fight the war on terror. As one of the biggest and most powerful voting blocks of individuals in America, card carrying members of the AARP will, of course, be exempt from this mandate.
14 April 2004 :: Wednesday
Nader draws donations from Bush's supporters
I've got my new election strategy - I'm going to massively fund the Bush, Kerry, and Nader campaigns, and when they all take votes away from each other I will stand victorious!
13 April 2004 :: Tuesday
Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry, pressed by college students Monday to chart the different course he would follow in Iraq, said he would keep the United States in control of the military operation.
Pressed by college students? All he had to do was offer to throw a kegger right there in the lecture hall and there would have been no more "pressing" of the issues. Is Kerry the kind of guy that you want running our country - when he can't even duck the issues properly in a roomful of college students?
- - - - -
McCain on talk of run with Kerry: 'No, no and no'
That's because I called dibs on McCain first.
10 April 2004 :: Saturday
(for the following link, you will most likely have to register to see the article, i apologize for this. however, in order to fight the system, use username: frigoffregistering@noway.com password: hahaha . remember my fellow americans, fight the system, at least until i become the system. )
"This is Bush's 33rd visit to his ranch since becoming president. He has spent all or part of 233 days on his Texas ranch since taking office, according to a tally by CBS News. Adding his 78 visits to Camp David and his five visits to Kennebunkport, Maine, Bush has spent all or part of 500 days in office at one of his three retreats, or more than 40 percent of his presidency."
My fellow Americans, to prove to you - my faithful electorate - that I can surpass Bush in all areas, I promise, as your president, to spend at least 50% of my presidency on vacation. But not only that! I promise to spend 15% of that 50% vacation time in other countries! There is no act too heinous, too disconcerting, too whoopee-whoopee-whoo-pow-pow that I wouldn't promise it to get elected.
09 April 2004 :: Friday
My first official act as president will be setting up a senate panel to look into the not-so-new phenomenon of what I term Auto-induced Self-Serving Enigmatic Syndrome, or ASSES, to see why so many politicians and political appointees suffer situational- and operational-specific memory loss when asked publicly about things they have done or said. The cause of ASSES may be something as simple as a bacterial infection or as difficult as Political Onset Alzheimer’s, but given the frequency and duration of ASSES in the Capitol Hill area, I believe we need to investigate this problem posthaste.
08 April 2004 :: Thursday
John Kerry: A 'cheap' aristocrat
"Born to blue-blood status, wealth came with marriage"
Don't vote for another born-rich, married-richer white guy who tries using his money to get into the whitehouse - vote bakiwop, the born-poor, married-poor white guy who will use the whitehouse to become rich.
04 April 2004 :: Sunday
Kerry and Bush both raise more than $50 million
Vote for bakiwop, the guy who runs his campaign on the money found under the cushions in his couch (although, as many people have sat on the couch, some of it could be considered public funds).
03 April 2004 :: Saturday
Kerry camp challenges Bush to debates
Neither Kerry nor Bush have had the cajones to challenge me to a debate yet, so I hereby officially throw down the gauntlet and challenge them both to a primetime, Jell-o wrestling smack down debate.
02 April 2004 :: Friday
Nader Advises Kerry to Loosen Up
"The consumer advocate and independent presidential candidate said Kerry comes across as stiff and coached on the campaign trail."
Furthermore, Nader is said to believe strongly in his messy-haired, unprepared, knee-jerk reactionary style of politics that has served him so well running for president.
01 April 2004 :: Thursday
Happy April F o o l's day.
31 March 2004 :: Wednesday
Kerry, Bush wrangle over Bible passage
It seems both Kerry and Bush wanted "My mouth derides my enemies, because I rejoice in my victory" (1 Samuel 2:1). No need to worry about bible wrangling from me, however, I mostly just go for that water into wine stuff.
27 March 2004 :: Saturday
Kerry, Bush push economic themes
That's the problem with politicians these days - always pushing the economic themes. When I'm elected president I will push themes of sex, alcohol, and free hippie love.
23 March 2004 :: Tuesday
Bush-Cheney '04 gear reads 'Made in Burma'
As your future president, I promise to only illegally import the good stuff like Cuban cigars and such for my own, personal, use, furthermore, I promise to have bakiwop gear imported from sanction-free countries that still use cheap, slave-labor sweatshops - all this to keep the cost of bakiwop gear down for you, my fellow consumers Americans.
18 March 2004 :: Thursday
Nader says he's no threat to Democrats.
He's also no threat to Republicans, Independents, Greens, Socialists, bakiwop, and those running for their particular high school grade's presidency (or vice presidency...or secretary).
17 March 2004 :: Wednesday
John Kerry Raises $10 Million in 10 Days Online.
I pledge to raise $10 million in one day, today, by playing and winning the powerball lottery. The winning numbers will be 13, 22, 34, 37, 53 and a powerball of 17.
12 March 2004 :: Friday
Thanks goes to coffegrounds for supplying the inspiration for my new campaign slogan. "vote for bakiwop: neither the brains of George W. Bush nor the moxie of Bill Clinton"
10 March 2004 :: Wednesday
I am 100% absolutely totally completely without-a-doubt for sure against big government. When I am elected president I promise to raise taxes and spend billions of additional dollars a year expanding and improving your government to ensure a small government for all Americans.
09 March 2004 :: Tuesday
President Bush and Sen. John Kerry hit the campaign trail in the South with new attacks on each other’s records.
bakiwop will not involve himself in these attacks on records because bakiwop himself has no record to impugn! That's right, not only can bakiwop use the word impugn correctly, but he has no record with which to be! Vote bakiwop!
08 March 2004 :: Monday
Thank you B² for officially endorsing bakiwop because he is "strong on issues" and "taken a courageous stand against crime". Thank you Squidaction Guy for officially not endorsing bakiwop because he is "lazy answering email".
06 March 2004 :: Saturday
Celebrities supporting Bush: Dennis Miller, Ricky Schroeder, and Shannon Doherty.
Celbrities supporting Kerry: Dennis Hopper, Alec Baldwin, and Michael J. Fox.
Celebrities supporting bakiwop: the guy from the Menard's commercials, the animator of Mr. Clean, and the yellow Walmart smiley-face-dot thing.
05 March 2004 :: Friday
The mudslinging has begun... So, to honor one of our great political past-times, I begin: Bush - nincompoop, try and pronounce the word without help, you nincompoop, Cheney - rhymes with lamey, Kerry - Kerry Kerry, the derriere-y.
28 February 2004 :: Saturday
Even more competition: Yellow Dog.
27 February 2004 :: Friday
It seems as though I may have more serious competition than I had originally thought: Gay Penguin.
26 February 2004 :: Thursday
Dean pleads for help to pay bills.
I promise that when I rack up hundreds of thousands, né, millions of dollars in debt in my sure-to-fail bid for the preidency, I will not pay back one red cent, thus relieving the guilt of millions of American voters and stopping them from sending in their pity money. And if they do send in pity money, I still promise to not pay my creditors one red cent! That's how dedicated I am to keeping my word to my fellow Americans.
25 February 2004 :: Wednesday
Wal-Mart a big giver to 2004 U.S. election.
In this spirit of campaign finance reform, I am now fully dislosing that Wal-Mart gave me a Widescreen, Collector's Edition version of Pirates of the Caribbean for just $17.87.
24 February 2004 :: Tuesday
I promise that when I become President, if I introduce an amendment to the constitution it will be about preserving the rights of people or limiting the rights of the government, and not about trying to uphold the perceived sanctity of the "most fundamental institution of civilization" - which everbody knows is money, not marriage, anyway.
22 February 2004 :: Sunday
Nader to run for president as independent.
Thank goodness, someone officially in the race that will get fewer votes than me.
21 February 2004 :: Saturday
George W. Bush...puppy killer
As your President, I promise to not kill any puppies.
20 February 2004 :: Friday
Updated the bio and Tools & Resources.
Welcome to the new official headquarters of bakiwop's 2004 presidential campaign. There is now a weblog and much more to coerce you into voting for me come November.
Remember, together we can make me the President of the United States while you have to keep your lousy, non-president job.
19 February 2004 :: Thursday
Bush has always been full of it, I just had no idea he was so full of it that the gravity of it caused distortions in the fabric of reality.
18 February 2004 :: Wednesday
La-whoooo-heh-serrrrr!
17 February 2004 :: Tuesday
Bush & Cheney...doesn't that sound like the names of the headliners of an S&M show?